Spewing thoughts

My mind is filled with so many thoughts about one topic. I'm torn inside. There are so many pieces about this topic that I love and I miss. It's comfortable, loving, enjoyable, easy, encouraging, good memories...But then on the flip side, I was badly hurt by it. I was betrayed, taken by surprise, beat up... I know that I've worked through the pain, but my dilema is if I should allow myself to open up to it again. It's scary, is it worth it, what do I have to gain or lose? Big stuff to prayerfully consider. sigh